Deus X Makina

Top 10 Most Disappointing Things About The Lost Finale

1. Events in the Sideways universe had no affect on reality. If all the characters fatal flaws have been resolved in Sideways, why end it? Isn't this supposed to be some blissful afterlife where all our virtuous characters live in unity?
2. Meager, unsubstantive explanations of Desmond's actions in both universes.
3. Sun should have told Jin to escape the sub so that he could raise their daughter alone... which is what should have happened.
4. Attempting to rekindle relationships between Jack and Kate and Sawyer and Kate, then not acknowledging when Kate chose Jack over Sawyer. Further, Sawyer doesn't do much at all.
5. If Desmond was the failsafe, what was Charles' original plan? What did Jacob tell him that brought him back to the island? Why did Locke need the remaining six candidates? Why try to get them to kill each other? He could have just left after Jacob died. He didn't even realize he could destroy the island until confronting Charles.
6. Ignoring that Sawyer betrayed Claire (Kate already convince Claire once; why isn't she once bitten, twice shy?).
7. Ignoring that Ben reverted to his dark side in the previous episode and permanently rewarding him for a minor act of goodness.
8. No Bernard, Anna Lucia or Mr. Eko in the church, even though Libby was there. No explanation why Daniel, Charlotte, Miles, Frank, and (we assume) Naomi are present in Sideways but do not join the passengers in the church. No explanation on why the surviving characters are interspersed among the dead.
9. How did Frank know which heading to take when leaving on the plane? You can't enter or leave without it, right?
10. Turned out Ilana was pointless.

1. Final Fantasy XIII
2. Grand Theft Auto IV
3. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
4. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
5. Demon's Souls
6. Little Big Planet
7. Heavy Rain
8. God of War III
9. Batman: Arkham Asylum
10. Assassin's Creed II

3 STARS 

This review is a direct result of the Oscar nomination for Best Picture. The Blind Side is not a Best Picture. It is not one of the ten Best Pictures of 2009. It should be nowhere near the top ten. It is, at its very, very best, an okay movie that either was written directly for Sandra Bullock or absolutely objectifies Sandra Bullock's luckiest day since reading the script for Speed. She is good in this movie; I'll go on to say she's very good. She probably deserves the Best Actress nod but definitely not the win (Meryl Streep as Julia Child? Yeah, that's a gimme).

So, why isn't this movie good? My answer is simple: because Michael Oher is a real person, the screenplay cannot examine the tough issues that would have brought some real conflict to the story. Let's examine the character arc real quick:

• Michael has to connect with Leigh Anne.
• Michael has to deal with five minutes of guilt about crashing the car.
• Michael has to choose a college.
• Michael has to reveal his sordid past, of which he is clearly embarassed, to Leigh Anne.
• Michael has to write an essay.

Done! Michael wins the prize, and suffers no consequences for losing his temper at Alton's. It's a quick examination because there's no real conflict here. What's really weird is that there are so many different ways to improve this story. Am I really supposed to identify with Leigh Anne overcoming her hatred of the University of Tennessee? Are you serious? Let's run a little exercise: as I'm writing this, I have a couple dropped storylines and subplots in my head. Let's see if I can name ten. I swear, I did not come up with these beforehand. Let's just see if I can list ten ways to make this a real film.

1. How did Michael and Collins disarm any sexual tension between them? I get that you can't put them into a relationship with drastically altering the characters, but you really do need to take a look at this. Okay, if they're not attracted to each other, you have to tell us why. She just can't be giving him high fives the whole film. Leigh Anne's busybody friends are right: the point is not that he's black; the point is you've just put two adolescents in the same house.
2. Okay, you've told us about the negative feedback the Tuohy kids are getting at school. But where's it coming from? Does S.J. have a bully? Does Collins have some racist friends? How did they overcome those obstacles? All you're showing us is Collins sitting in the library with Michael.
3. Is Sean Tuohy a real character, or is he just a guy who has no feelings, opinions, or authority to disagree with Leigh Anne at any time throughout the film? He has serious misgivings about taking Michael in... for two lines. Then he's okay with it, I guess, because the only scene between him and Michael is telling him about "Charge of the Light Brigade".
4. Hey, Investigator Granger, that's a really good question. Should boosters be allowed to adopt children of substantial athletic ability, put them in expensive schools, train them to excel in a sport, and then encourage them to attend their alma maters? That's topical! Well, there's two sides to this argument, you know, so let's take a good, hard look at both perspecti-- hey, where are you going? We're not going to talk about this? Oh, Michael just gave a self-serving, circular reason why he'd like to go to Ole Miss? And that's enough? What's happening? Why are we at the end of the movie already?
5. Okay, I get that this movie is not for me. It's for conservative, self-empowered white women who will immediately identify with this independently wealthy character. I get that. But you haven't characterized this person as conservative, just Christian. Is that implied? I know I'm a liberal, but, in general, I don't judge people's political beliefs based on their religion, especially since this movie is centrist and her denomination is never identified. Why is her prayer group with the district attorney and NRA membership suddenly her defining attribute? She wasn't characterized that way. She was just shallow at the beginning. Why is being a Republican more important than being strong-willed three quarters of the way through the film?
6. Okay, she's asked herself if she's a good person. This is the introduction of the internal struggle that all altruists have: am I giving to someone else for him or for me? You need to benefit others without hope of remuneration, and the fact that you are tangentially getting something from Michael's success is central to your character arc. Oh, your husband confirmed that you're a good person? Oh, okay, we're done here, then.
7. Remember the first scene, where Big Tony asks the Coach about his son and Big Mike? You remember, his son, Steve? You don't? Oh, that's probably because we never see him again. Michael isn't interested in befriending the only other black kid in the entire school, who he's known for quite some time? Nah.
8. Hey, is anyone going to ask if the only reason that Michael is successful is not as related to the Tuohys' commitment as it is to the Tuohys being wealthy and able to afford to house his personal tutor in their vacation condo? No? Okay.
9. Hey, is Miss Sue going to face any consequences for blatantly, maliciously manipulating Michael with her story about ghosts? No? Okay.
10. Hey, is anyone going to ask what Michael wants to study at school? No? Okay.
11. In a very touching scene, Denise and Leigh Anne talk about Michael's well-being, and Denise says that "he's a runner." No matter what, he'll always come running home to protect his mother. Always. Then he never does. Wait, he tries to find her at Alton's apartment complex. For five minutes. Then he gives up. Oh, and he never finds out that Leigh Anne knows exactly where she is but never tells him. That's probably not an issue for him.

Eleven! Wa-bam! I am awesome at this game. Anyway, my point is that there are all these awesome points of conflict that are never explored. All I can do is conclude that the screenwriter had them ready to go and someone said, "You can't imply that a black professional football player might have had a relationship with his white cheerleader foster sister! He'll sue our asses off!" And then they removed all the guts from the film, extended it with a few mildly humorous scenes with Nick Sabin, Lou Holtz, and Tommy Tuberville, and basically turned it into Air Bud.

Best Picture: The Hurt Locker

• An Education
• Crazy Heart
• The Hurt Locker
• Inglourious Basterds
• Invictus
• The Messenger
• Precious
• A Serious Man
• A Single Man
• Up in the Air

[Special Note: Avatar will be nominated for Best Picture, but I refuse to put it on my list. It is not a good movie. It has great direction, but it is not a good movie. Also, Up will win Animated Picture and that should be good enough for it; you shouldn't have two bites at the apple.]

Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

• Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
• James Cameron, Avatar
• Lee Daniels, Precious
• Jason Reitman, Up in the Air
• Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds

Best Actor: Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart

• Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
• George Clooney, Up in the Air
• Colin Firth, A Single Man
• Morgan Freeman, Invictus
• Michael Stuhlbarg, A Serious Man

Best Actress: Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia

• Emily Blunt, The Young Victoria
• Sandra Bullock, The Blindside
• Carrie Mulligan, An Education
• Gabourey Sidibi, Precious
• Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia

Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

• Matt Damon, Invictus
• Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
• Christopher Plummer, The Last Station
• Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
• Christopher Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

Best Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique, Precious

• Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air
• Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
• Diane Kruger, Inglourious Basterds
• Mo'Nique, Precious
• Julianne Moore, A Single Man

4 STARS

There are only two schools of thought regarding this movie, and I'll give them in no particular order. Okay, I lied, I'll tell you the good part first: this movie is absolutely gorgeous. James Cameron is ridiculously skilled at dreaming up Pandora, and every inch of it looks fantastic. At times, it's tough to remember that it's all green screen and none of this was ever anything but putting a pen to paper. This is especially apparent when Cameron zooms in on the dying nantang ("night dog"). The gleam of its skin lets you know that every dime of this movie was worth it. Avatar is entirely and purely worth seeing simply for the visuals. The generated characters are just as human as those played by the cast. It's like two dozen Gollums wandering around.

The second school of thought is what makes this movie so hard to watch: it's so close to being perfect. With just a little more polish, it might be in the top ten movies ever made, but instead, Cameron basically reuses the same script as Dances With Wolves, The New World, Dune, or any other of the countless "living with natives" storylines. The villain is almost pulled directly from a Captain Planet episode. It's... frustrating.

Two fatal flaws: First, Cameron makes absolutely no attempt to humanize the human presence. It's so strange to me, because it's right in front of him. Sully talks about it while pontificating at the Tree of Souls: the human race has "killed their mother". Just spend two minutes with Parker talking about how Earth needs unobtainium in order to survive, or give it a medical use and show some sick kids. Anything! Anything at all would tie it all together. Instead, we get a 9-year-old's perspective on strip mining with a decidedly singular viewpoint: being human is bad, being Na'vi is good. It's a surprisingly common message from Sean Penn's liberal Hollywood, and I (especially as a liberal myself) have grown to hate it.

The second flaw extends from the first: Sully is never made into a full character. He barely talks about his self-loathing or what motivates him to accept Na'vi life so easily. Is it related to resentment of his brother? His brother's death? His handicap? "How does it feel to betray your race?" He wants to be a real boy, but we can't ever take the time to get to know him. The same fate befalls Trudy, Norm, Tsu'tey, and pretty much everyone else: deep caverns of characterization that we can only look at from the opening. We do get a slight glimpse into Neytiri after that nantang battle, but even she drops to zero. We never get to hear her thoughts on her betrothal to Tsu'tey or her conflict about ending it. It's a swarm of one-dimensional characters in a one-dimensional plot.

And, of course, I'll add my picky list of things:

1. If the goal was to prevent the shuttle from blowing up the Tree of Souls, I wouldn't think that it crashing into the ground very close to the Tree and then exploding would have been a good idea.
2. Na'vi are naturally silent and blend in with the forest. A head-on calvalry charge against the marines (whose primary strength is at range) probably isn't a great tactic.
3. I don't know what engineer says, "Man, I got this killer 25' tall exoskeleton armed with a gatling gun that, get this, has a sword edge right there on the gun! Hmm... what happens if it gets disarmed, though. I better put a 2' long bowie knife on its belt, just in case." Man, get that guy a beer.
4. "James, the woman is sixty years old! There is no way you are getting her back into a sleeveless shirt!" "Oh yeah?"
5. Grace's last appeal to Parker really sealed the deal of the plot being bad for me: she can't even articulate why the natural network is important or special.
6. Neytiri is extremely heartbroken about the death of her ikran. Sully abandons his for a better model. Can we get two lines to resolve the discrepancy?
7. Why did Grace's school close? Did I miss that part?
8. Why isn't Trudy arrested after breaking formation at Hometree?
9. There certainly were a lot of missles firing during a battle that was supposed to be without working missile guidance.
10. Where does Norm go after leaving the trailer? Although I do notice that Cameron appears to disagree with the Wachowskis that "your mind makes it real".
11. There probably should have been a Na'vi attack on the base to validate Miles' concerns about safety and villify the natives a bit. As Guy Fleegman would say, "I'm the guy that dies to prove that the situation is serious!"